Most Searched Celebrities On Google
It's no secret that Google is a good note taker. Every search you've
ever done, from "Justin Timberlake is a jerk" to "Katy Perry,"
is sitting on a server somewhere, right now.
Miley Cyrus
This one should come as no surprise. According to Google, Miley is experiencing a career high when it comes to buzz. Her searches outrank her closest competitor fourfold.
This one should come as no surprise. According to Google, Miley is experiencing a career high when it comes to buzz. Her searches outrank her closest competitor fourfold.
Who could blame all those people scrambling for Miley
updates? Everyone loves an ongoing trainwreck, and since Bynes is in
rehab and Lohan is playing nice with Oprah, Miley Cyrus is the only act
left in town.
The reigning queen of daddy issues has been all over the
place of late, and so have her assets. Her recent VMA performance (and
flesh colored outfit) earned her plenty of mockery of social networks,
probably because she looked like a stick-shaped, flesh-colored jello
mold having a seizure. After that, she made another big splash by baring
her naked body on a big, swinging wrecking ball.
The song, subtly titled "Wrecking Ball," is maybe about her
boyfriend or it's maybe about her tragic life as a teen pop star, we
can't be really sure. What we can be sure of is that Britney 2.0 still
has several more meltdowns left before she's stuck hosting some second
rate talent show.
Heck, even after the social media throttling she took, kids are still emulating her. A college in Missouri
recently had to remove a wrecking ball sculpture from their campus
because the kids kept trying to ride it. Why the college had a sculpture
of a wrecking ball to begin with is the real mystery.
Justin Bieber
Due to a mixture of what must be a crack PR team and a clinically insane fan base, Justin Bieber is number two on our list. Most recently, he's in the headlines for getting into the kind of trouble that makes him look cool and rebellious to tweens. To adults, though, having his body guards commit assault and getting caught with weed on his tour bus just makes him look like a spoiled twerp.
Due to a mixture of what must be a crack PR team and a clinically insane fan base, Justin Bieber is number two on our list. Most recently, he's in the headlines for getting into the kind of trouble that makes him look cool and rebellious to tweens. To adults, though, having his body guards commit assault and getting caught with weed on his tour bus just makes him look like a spoiled twerp.
Bieber also gets a lot of headlines for only being
tangentially related to a story, like the time that pedophile convinced
something like 800 underaged girls to send him illicit videos of themselves after explaining to them that he was the Biebs.
Bieber also garners his own fair share of attention for making a
complete fool of himself. In his newest "creative" outing, for example,
he drove the prepubescent girls wild by rapping shirtless continuing the
long tradition of Canadian rappers who stopped watching hip hop trends
after Marky Mark showed them how it was done.
One Direction
Here's a tough lesson for
the members of One Direction: Nothing you do or ever will do is
original. You are just another in a long line of boy bands that began
probably in like ancient Greece or something (only it would have been
much creepier in ancient Greece). I'm sorry to be the one's to tell you
this. I know it's got to be a shock. I'm sure you're all too young to
have suffered through the Backstreet/N*Sync wars of the mid-90's, but
even they weren't doing anything original.
The picture above are the wax figures of One Direction,
found at Madame Tussaud's, but they have the exact same amount of
glassy-eyed, interchangeable charisma as their living counterparts.
Also, their movie sucked.
Drake
Apparently, Drake can both
sing and rap - which, to translate for any older members just means he
can sing and breathe rhythmically. Honestly, there's not much else to
say about the guy that hasn't already been used to describe any number
of artists who managed to do two things adequately and who were super
into themselves.
Of course, if you ask Drake, he believes that he's "the
first person to successfully rap and sing." Clearly, he's never been
wooed by the urban stylings of Queen Latifah. Besides, it can't be too
hard to do both if there's a WikiHow article on it.
Hit and miss by most accounts, his real claim to fame is being the
"sensitive" rapper, which I guess means that he objectifies women
sweetly and talks about how much money he has while quietly
understanding the wide financial divide between himself and his fans.
Beyonce
Who's surprised at
Beyoncé's inclusion? It's only surprising she's not higher up on the
list, considering she practically poops gold. Mother of Blue Ivy, the
most famous baby on the planet (suck it, Kate Middleton!), and a
recording artist so popular that she makes headlines when there's a mild change in her staffing, Beyoncé has more than earned her "Queen Bey" moniker.
She's universally viewed as a wonderful person, even getting some real praise from Fleetwood Mac lead singer, Stevie Nicks, who called her, "not skanky." Given the state of the music industry these days, that's glowing commentary.
With all this praise and the sales records to back it up, is there anything this woman can't do?
Act. She's a terrible actress.
Justin Timberlake
I understand that, these
days, it's totally acceptable to respect Justin Timberlake or to enjoy
his contribution to pop culture, but when I look at him, I still see this guy. And you can't respect that guy.
He might have a movie coming out with Ben Affleck soon, but
who thinks pairing two d-bags and making them talk about gambling
sounds like a fun two hours?
You can't fault Timberlake's savvy, though, as he
successfully navigated the often treacherous waters of post teen
stardom. He even managed to do it without freaking out and melting down a
la pretty much everyone else who earned their celebrity at such a young
age. It's him, Jodie Foster and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and that's it.
Whether he's stealing Michael Jackson's moves or making ladies swoon
with that out of tune caterwauling, you can count on dealing with this
guy popping up for the foreseeable future, whether you like him or not.
Barack Obama
Wait, what's this guy doing
here?! This is a list of important people, not … what does he do again?
There was something about him bringing us to the brink of war only to
have the world saved by a Russian gangster. Oooh, that sounds like a
good plot for a movie.
Seriously, though, B-Rock is the president, and even though
he hasn't exactly been on a hot streak lately (I hesitate to say more
lest a drone strike me down where I stand), but it's nice thinking that
there are enough people out there looking into POTUS' activities that he
actually nets more attention than Taylor Swift.
Hey, it's not a big win, but it counts. Go America!
Kendrick Lamar
Admittedly, this is my
first contact with Kendrick Lamar. Sorry, I don't really listen to hip
hop and I try to avoid anything considered "cool" or "new" as a general
way of life.
That said, this kid apparently has some skills (is "skills"
still a thing? If so, the guy's got 'em). His music is a thoughtful
riff on west-coast hip-hop that's got more than a little talent layered
into the thumping beats.
He's also one of these "artist" types who will pull from
anywhere, regardless of genre, to make something good. Just check out
his videos that can feature everything from the expected quota of curvy women to random footage from Harmony Korine movies like "Gummo" and "Kids."
More than that, Lamar seems to be a rare musician who is concerned
more with making good beats than with getting his picture taken, and
that alone merits some recognition.
Taylor Swift
Swift makes the list for being America's daintiest battleaxe.
The line of broken men she's left behind rivals some third
world dictators, but rather than earn the ire of people everywhere, she
has turned that maliciousness into a fully-fledged Grammy laden career.
To be perfectly honest, the most lasting impression Taylor Swift has left on me is her total inability to take G-rated jokes
at her expense. You do, however, have to admire the guts it takes to
directly insult two of the sharpest women working in comedy today.
Or maybe that takes delusion. If the woman still sees herself as the
victim after 50 or so publicly failed relationships, then maybe delusion
is the right answer.
Selena Gomez
It would seem that it is
possible to break free of the mouse house, and Selena Gomez is living
proof. Technically, so are Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears, but
Gomez shed her rodent ears in the aughts, when being a Disney kid meant
insane amounts of exposure and an almost certain career death once you
finished puberty.
But, Gomez has - so far, at least - made a real go of being
an adult-type actress by walking the time tested path all aspiring
starlets walk. First, she took her clothes off. Then, she dropped 100 pounds of dead weight. Then, she starred in a mediocre action movie, and next she's lining up ensemble work with respectable talent. Don't ask me why actually doing good work is last on that list, but that's how Hollywood works.
Eminem
Eminem is still one of the
few white rappers with real, actual talent. Yes, there are talented
white rappers who aren't Eminem (or the Beastie Boys).
That said, Em is the reigning heavyweight champion of pasty
rhymesters, and he's got new music coming out, which accounts for the
increase in his attention …
Ok, I just have to put this out there. Eminem is boring
now. He's all about the music these days. Remember when he was so
unhinged we thought he might actually kill his ex-wife? These days, the
most exciting thing he does is move out of Detroit (and who could blame
him)?
We don't need rappers acting responsibly and focusing on the music! We want drug binges and violence. Get it together, Em!
Robin Thicke
Jay-Z
Ariana Grande
Katy Perry
"Toolbox," thy name is Robin Thicke.
Okay, okay, I admit I haven't really taken the time to
actually listen to the man's music, but what would you think about a guy
who is voluntarily seen in public wearing Beetlejuice's dirty laundry?
Or who volunteers to double as Miley Cyrus' stripper pole? How about the
fact that the only promo photos you can find of Thicke involve him
being ignored by annoyed models? Isn't that what's happening here?
Not enough proof? How about the fact his personal hashtag is just "#thicke". Overcompensate much?
So, we've become a society that just suffers d-bags endlessly? That's the lesson I'm taking away.
Is Beyoncé really so
popular that her spouse is included just because he gets to be in lots
of pictures with her? That's what I assumed, but according to Wikipedia,
Mr. Z has quite the career of his own.
Honestly, though, who doesn't love themself some Jay-Z? He
ranks as one of hip hop's pillars, his sound is a natural gateway to a
period of time when the greats roamed the Earth, and he's also one heck
of a mogul in his own right, with ventures that range from clothing
lines to clubs to sports teams.
After over a decade at the top, Jay-Z has proven that, If it's music,
sports or just being the coolest m-effer in the room, Jay-Z is the guy
to call.
Ariana Grande presents
another challenge here. She's a Disney star, so she's most likely been
bred to sing pop and dance lasciviously. She's probably also been
trained to act as though subtlety doesn't exist. It does exist, by the
way, it's simply an endangered species. Those things are (probably)
true, but I haven't actually seen her stuff, and I do NOT get paid
enough to watch the Disney Channel. On top of all that, she's like ten,
so I'd feel bad mocking her.
Which is cool, because, again, I don't know enough about her career to properly aim a joke.
Apparently, lots of people do know about her, though, so the
information is out there. If you have kids, go ask them about her. If
you don't, let this one slide. It's doubtful you'll hear from her after
Disney is done with her.
There aren't too many bad things to say about Katy Perry,
who rounds out the list at number 15. Sure, her music is crap, but with
the exception of Jay-Z, so is pretty much everyone else's on this list,
so you can't hold lack of talent against her.
She also seems to be one of the few pop stars who is
moderately well-adjusted. You have to assume showing up to the VMA's
sporting that blinged out grill was more joke than fashion statement.
We're giving her the benefit of the doubt on that one. So, too, you have
to hope that the sheer number of pictures of her not wearing makeup
speaks to a lack of vanity. Either that or she needs to fire her
publicist (because unless she's dolled up, that lady is weird looking).
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